Grown people problems

I’ve eaten too much kale to skip flossing tonight.

  • Person: Hi, do you want pizza?
  • Person Nobody Likes: No. I'm being healthy. I'm not eating pizza because...
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It looks so good, but the calories--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: ...and the fat--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Here's a long explanation of my diet...
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: But I wish I could cheat LOL!
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: That stuff is so bad for you, you know? But you have fun!
  • Everyone who has left to go live their lives:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's the gluten, you know? I don't know what that is, but it's soooooo baaaaaad.
  • Crickets who have come out because it's midnight now:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I cheated and ate an M&M yesterday! I spent an hour at the gym to make up for it but so worth it LOL.
  • Unfeeling universe:
  • Person Nobody Likes: Have you tried using cauliflower instead of bread to make a pizza?
  • Existential dread:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It tastes exactly the same, and it's sooooo much healthier.
  • Death itself:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I'm gonna go drink my soy smoothie now.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's a small size.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Gotta watch my thighs!
  • Apocalypse, the end of all space and time as we know it, the fathomless void of nothingness:
  • Person Nobody Likes: BUT YOU ENJOY THAT PIZZA, FRIEND.

thisdanobrien:

Years ago I was listening to old interviews with young girls given during the height of Beatlemania and you can hear that, as they try to articulate what the Beatles mean to them, they start legitimately hyperventilating and freaking out and suddenly they can’t breathe and I remember thinking “Weird, I love the Beatles to bits and pieces but I can’t wrap my head around having such a real, physical reaction to a piece of music or art” and then Beyonce and Nicki Minaj dropped the Flawless remix and then Nicki put out the Anaconda video and now my fucking body is fucking changing.

droptoehold:

joemoc:

“If I remember correctly, it was a little girl, maybe 8 to 10 years old. I was walking down and I was going to talk from the crowd, so I was walking halfway down [the stands] and right as I get to the spot that I wanted to talk from, I just feel these little arms wrap around me, down near my sternum. I almost broke character. [I got] the biggest smile and started laughing. I think they may have cut away and went to the ring, but it was the cutest thing ever.”

little kids + wrestling = the best

Children and wrestlers. Eventually the combination will be the death of me.

This is part of the thing that’s difficult to describe about loving wrestlers. It’s like this muscle covered drama club of LARPers who do loads of drugs. How can you not enjoy (at least some of) them at least a little?

(Source: theshielddaily)

theswordskissed:

i legit half-expect Beyoncé to not do the ALS ice bucket and release a single about it like, “I got too much ice to fit in a bucket.”

Beyonce’s ice bucket challenge will be perfectly lit and feature back arching.

(via meganlives)

clambistro:

manhood:

illumahottie:

Absolutely NOT

NOPE

bye

clambistro:

manhood:

illumahottie:

Absolutely NOT

NOPE

bye

(Source: literallysame, via shorterexcerpts)

softboycollective:

lastbutnotleast:

piddlebucket:

thisiswhiteprivilege:

softboycollective:

TUESDAY 8/19: Ferguson PD presented a table full of fabricated evidence at this morning’s press conference - allegedly seized from protestors and stopped cars. The Colt 45 Molotov with a white bandana was the crowning glory, turns out you can’t even buy glass 40’s in Missouri. Stay classy, FPD

I seriously think white supremacist are coming in the area to frame the protesters, but it could just be the cops

Nah I think that’s exactly what’s going on.

Really? I didn’t think it was White Supremacists. I had assumed it was dumb-fuck middle class white anarchists and crusty/gutter punks who think they are “helping.”

you know what though? the hell w/intentions. “anarchists” or no if they’re out here making it easier for the police to wage war on black ppl in ferguson, they’re functioning as white supremacists and should be treated as such

That’s my point, child. That’s why I put helping in quotation marks.

piddlebucket:

thisiswhiteprivilege:

softboycollective:

TUESDAY 8/19: Ferguson PD presented a table full of fabricated evidence at this morning’s press conference - allegedly seized from protestors and stopped cars. The Colt 45 Molotov with a white bandana was the crowning glory, turns out you can’t even buy glass 40’s in Missouri. Stay classy, FPD

I seriously think white supremacist are coming in the area to frame the protesters, but it could just be the cops

Nah I think that’s exactly what’s going on.

Really? I didn’t think it was White Supremacists. I had assumed it was dumb-fuck middle class white anarchists and crusty/gutter punks who think they are “helping.”

(via shorterexcerpts)

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lifesgrandparade:

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Russell Brand on whether there’s oxygen in space: “There ain’t no bloody oxygen!”